With all the life’s drama and
fuckery, I wanted to resign. I wanted to create a new world in front of me where I won’t ever feel hurt, world where I can just be happy and safe.
“Am I still included in that world?”, He asked.
“No you are not.”, my reply while tears running down my face. This week has been really exhausting. I’ve been crying for like an hour , trying to unload the heaviness in my heart. He has been there patiently listening to me over the phone. Trying his best to calm me and make me feel alright.
“Then I’ll be sad, and I’ll miss you.” , He jokingly replied. I sense how worried he is.
“Please don’t ever think about that. Stay with us. Stay with me. There are a lot of people who loves you and care for you.”, He added. That made me cry even more. How selfish I was thinking of things unimaginable just to escape the hell I’ve been into for years.
Sobbing, I told him everything. How things were since I could recall and how I’ve been trying to stay strong.
“I sometimes feel like I don’t want to be strong. I am so tired of staying strong. Am I wrong for saying that, for feeling that?” I asked.
“No you are not, we can only be strong for so long. But what ever you’ve gone through build you up so you can be the person your are intended to be. You are a wonderful person. I pray that you can see those things I see in you, in your own eyes.”
I have a lot of male friends, I like hanging out with them or even going out with them in a group. But whenever I am in a relationship, I set boundaries. There are things that you can just simply do.Well not because you are compelled to, it is because you are honoring and respecting the person you are in a relationship with.
For an instance, I don’t talk nor do certain things with them that would imply something sexual or close to that, not even a joke. It’s a big NO-NO for me and I wish the person I am in a relationship with would do the same. I just simply avoid things that could destroy or even put a stain in my good relationship or any issues that would made the other person in a relationship doubt.
Today something made me feel uncomfortable. I just hope to feel better tomorrow.
” You are always making my heart full. “
Those are the very words I told sweetheart last night. Long distance relationship is not easy but talking to him everyday makes each day without him next to me, more bearable.
It has been a year since we last spent time together. He flew all the way from the US to the Philippines just to see me. It was a surprise. He originally planned to visit Japan first since it has been his dream. He postponed that dream and decided to meet me first instead. He told me that Japan can wait.
I can’t forget our conversation every time he mentioned his trip.
Him: I am excited for my up coming vacation. Freedom!!!! ( from work )
Me: That’s good, have you already booked your ticket?
Him: Not yet.
Me: I am pretty sure you will have a great time in Japan.
Him: Hmmm we will see.
It was not until he asked the best airline to use going to the Philippines, I have confirmed that he was coming to visit me. Hearing that made my heart happy and nervous at the same time. I had so many “what ifs” in my mind. But when I saw him at the airport, I totally forgot everything. Even the lines that I practiced before meeting him. Lol
He calms my water. He is my best friend.
This month marks the first year of our first meeting. I can still remember clearly how our first meeting was. It was funny and I was very nervous. But all nervousness went away when you finally held my hand and pulled me close to you. Spending time with you in person was the most fantastic thing happened to me in 2017. I thank God for 2017 because you came with it.
I miss you so much and I can’t wait to have you in my arms again.